I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Buhtt sex?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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