remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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