a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
