I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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