just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
