No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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