things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
