the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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