god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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