i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
