No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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