Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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