She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize