fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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