You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
