the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize