I have demons in me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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