She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
