hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
