Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
