Non-Jews are for practice
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
