hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
