Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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