feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
