just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
