Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
