My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
