If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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