My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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