Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize