Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
