And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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