Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize