Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize