I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
