If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
