I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
