we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize