I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I love having hate sex.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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