Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
