and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
