peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
