when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
