Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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