it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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