"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
