you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
