yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
