Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
