do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
