I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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