Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
