Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
