Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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