C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
