im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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