he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
