She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize