The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
