This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
