hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
