watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dick very happy bro
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
