The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
