I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
